The KillBots have come, dread slap-shocks us all!!!
Sam won’t let the earth take a fall.
‘And who might be Sam?’ you may ask in a ponder,
why she’s a wee lil’ squirrel from a park just down yonder.
So the human race sits frantically awaiting the end,
not ever imagining a squirrel could straighten this bend.
But what to their dread filled eyes does appear?
But a squirrel named Sam,
followed by ten thousand reindeer.
The crowd is astonished, in awe, and in fear.
Sam thinks all this is really quite queer.
For the mighty reindeer clans are earths only chance,
robots can’t stand to be kicked in the pants.
Granted, I’ll give you that reason is lame,
but in my defence isn’t any reason always kinda the same?
But enough about that, what ending will happen?
What horrors we face?
When the robots reveal their sleeve with an ace?
For they have smelzers, bamers, phashats and wazoozals,
Just to name a few of their destructive great tools.
So Sam sees this and knows that she’s beaten,
she wonders;
‘Will I be tortured, burned and/or eaten?”
“The robots have landed, they come in great hordes!
The dead flesh of reindeer rains over earths fjords!”
Sam bolts for cover and prays to her lord.
The darkness surrounds her, the world is ending!
When suddenly her reality gives way to transcending,
a light blinds her eyes, it almost seems hallow,
a loud nothingness both deep and yet shallow.
and what horrors were waiting therein to defile her?
Not horrors at all!
Just two human men, ToJo & Tyler!
“We have to save Earth!”
Sam squeaked, out of breath.
“Imagine the burning, the smelting, the death!”
“We can’t!”
Wailed ToJo while being tossed asunder,
“we’re caught in a time rift because of Tyler’s dumb blunder!”
“You have to…”
said Sam, a little upset.
“Sorry, magic talking squirrel, we just can’t!”
“…fine,” scowled Sam,
“but one day you’ll regret…”
and with that Sam ran, ran straight through the rift,
she needn’t waste her time with those couple a’ splifs.
When it comes to saving Earth, Sam knows what to do,
these invaders are metal, not like me or you.
(Apologies to those with metal appenda-gies
it is not my intent to insult your dependancies)
So Sam got a magnet, as big as there was,
and those robots cruel minds mushed right into fuzz!
They fell, oh how they fell, their brains turned to slush,
all over the world there was a long hush…
For this victory was not Human Beings,
Scientists, Military or Doctors for seeing.
Not even two spacemen caught in a timestorm,
could thwart Roboverlord’s Kill-Botogoodbye swarm.
But instead it was all owed to a small little squirrel,
So we gave her a medal and a necklace of pearls.
And with that she was ushered off to a zoo.
A subtle reward inscribed f**k you.
Credit not given where credit was due.
See, for people, history will read
that a HUMAN named Sam did the great deed.
And what of the squirrel, poor Sam did become?
she currently lives off bourbon and rum.